yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
