i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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