Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
