Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
