She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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