I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
