i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
