but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
