can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
