Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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