I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
