So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
