I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
