nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
