Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
