I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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