I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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