well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
