Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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