Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
