It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
