she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
