4 words: hood of his car
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
