If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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