D3 body, D1 cock
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
