So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
