Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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