a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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