I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
