he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
