Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
