DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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