there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
