You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
