May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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