He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
