My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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