Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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