dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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