So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
