Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
