i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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