Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
