I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wish my penis had a tongue
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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