I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
