It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
