Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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