I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
