apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
