I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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