In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
