oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
