He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
