You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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