I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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