tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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